Being in an inspired mood has not been here for a while. It is amazing what a conversation can do to one's spirit. I found some old writing of mine recently and thought to myself "what is wrong with me" "why am I not writing". I ask myself this question and I have no answer. Self reflection is definitely how I get by in life and I need to succumb to my urges to type and tap away at this laptop to my hearts content. It makes me a happier person. So life right now is kind of at a standstill. Take it slow blah blah blah...I know I am supposed to sit back and let life happen and become what everyone is looking forward to me becoming. I have to make people proud and all the while stay sane. I am kind of done with it though, living to appease everyone's minds while starting to doubt my purpose. I know I will finish school and all that, and have a career and be a role model for my daughter. I know this. But deep down there is more for me. I don't know what more is. Not yet anyways. I know what today is but not what more will come tomorrow. So for now I am tap tapping.
This may sound weird but I have a thing against typing poetry. Typing these deep thoughts that drive my mind is weird to me. I have to write them. I like to write with a flow of the pen.....It guides me and my mind tells my arms to tell my hands what to write. I can feel the pen driving my thoughts, so this typing thing is not for me. I am getting used to it though. I can write more and faster. Yet it is not really writing. It is typing so how do I find a medium? hehe...Typing means I am digitally entering the feelings and thoughts in my brain not with flowing beautiful written words but with boxy letters that have no meaning when I look at them. I know who thinks of things like this?? me that's who!
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