You can play with my emotions, Guess what? It only makes me a stronger more confident, more knowing woman. I know now that I do not need to be someone else to make a man happy. If he was happy and loved me I would not have to change at all. He would want me the way I am. No man stays with a woman just for one thing, such as sex, looks, there are other factors that get brought into the picture. I think attraction between people can begin at any moment. There does not have to be a set mood, the attraction is just there. Now lust and genuine sexual attraction are different in my opinion. The lust comes with physical sexual attraction, strictly look and feel not the inner feelings that exist with a genuine feeling of love.
     I know that I hold the key to my own happiness which lies deep within me somewhere between resentment, anger, and abandonment from childhood. As we get older we  think our mind will be clearer because we are older and old people can figure stuff out. I figured it out: No they can't! That is why none of us can. Because all people have ever done is the best they can do and in my opinion if a kid comes out of childhood without a single scratch than the parents did something wrong. Kids need real world experiences, not a forcibly manipulated reality where all the problems are laid neatly out in front of them. See get onto one topic it folds into another.

to be continued....

confusion

Life just brings confusion sometimes,
I think one thing is one thing,
And then it is something else,
Reality can be relative,
Reality can be unreal,
I wish that reality would be steady,
Like a steady river flowing or a steady gallop,
I wish the beat would make sense and the lyrics were intense and instrumental,
Life brings thoughts of something better,
Being low makes for room to grow,
and we all do it at one time or another,
Even thoughts are relative because sometimes they don't make sense,
Sometimes they intertwine and go into each other,
No distinguishing features, Now true blend,
The problems with my insecurity and emotional problems,
Makes it hard for me to stay focused,
Feelings are sometimes so intense that I rush to the next,
Without taking a breath!
Common sense seems to miss me,
Commonness is not me I guess,
Unconventional and uncommon!

walking alone

I fear my worst fears will come alive
Because I have to walk alone
I have no support from what matters
which is love
I was shoved aside
Put out when I didn't want out
I was forced out of love by your selfish wicked ways
now my love is gone
Lost somewhere
clinging to the past
like I am
but I will stop because no good comes out of dwelling on the past.

someday

I wish I could love
and feel no pain
I try to be positive, but the bad seeps in
I try to see good, for I know I am good
But I see the wrong things
And have no control.

I try to feel love
I thought I would find someone to love me
Yet I sit here alone
no one hear to see or hear me.

I am not down too much though
I know my day will come
the day when love shows itself
and stays
It will come when I stop yearning for it.

love and confusion

My heart is starting to heal,
The damage was not done by another,
But done by my inability to be alone,
The damage was done by me,
Not seeing what was in front of me,
My body feels less hurt,
Isn't is crazy how love can make you feel physical pain?
Why and how is that possible?
To feel love and when it goes away what is left in its wake is physical pain,
Physical exhaustion from love, jealousy, anger,
That can't be love?
Love is not anger, or is it? Love is not jealousy, or is it?
Love is all that and more,
I wish I knew so I could remember if it was love or not?
I think about it and become more confused!
Is love negative or positive?
Is it the way you feel or how another feels?
That describes the love,
Someday I will feel real love so I will know if this was real or not.